Saturday, August 30, 2008

If I Knew About Photography

I think I have reinvented a philosophy of Quick and easy fix for better photography:
I'll frequently try to leave out what I don't want to see, which in turn leads to better photography.

I don't know much about photography, but I know what I would like to have.

If money weren't an issue, I would like to have a camera with the following special features well engineered:

A Clip-on hood for my camera, but versatile. It would fit mostly around the lens, and a draw string would snug fit. The clip has a triangular and a rectangular panel attached, making a four sided hood. Helps keep the sun out of your eyes while towards an overly light horizon.

A sophisticated camera with real-time processing. Enabling, if perhaps with an embedded host cpu chip, the ability to set specially focused and smartly blurred effects. The new enhanced special effects include: Blur Patterns; Doughnut hole, inner-shape, doughnut hole size, Blur-voids position, shape-rotation; % fuzziness, gradient inward/outward position, direction, and automated; HDR/Tone Mapping Menu Items; Dynamic Range min/max Exposer, Number of Shots per sequence (2~5), Fully Auto; RAW, TIFF, JPG, JP2 Quality: High, Med., Auto.; Smart Signature Styles: WiFi: Constant Connect Tether; PC File Edits: Rotation, all Analyzed creating an Ego Altered file, .xea. The file represents a profile called a Signature Style, represented by an icon/logo of a golden key. This custom profile saved to an .xea file is used by the PC'c and the camera's software for Automated Custom Styled Modification Templates. The camera can create and store 3 ~5 different auto-generated templates, customized from algorithms to the the most commonly used manual or automated tweaks to each shot, during and afterwards. Creating up to 5 "Golden Key" templates, a collection of Golden Keys becomes one's Signature Style, copy write worthy, trade-able, with commercial "Platinum Keys" available, like an Ansal Adams Signature Style, for a one-time fee.
Signature Style: Your common crop techniques, auto-magically analyzed, such as frequently used photo editing effects and retouching tracks, exposure, contrast, saturation, HDR/Tone Mapping: Delta-Exposure, n-Exposure; Vibrance, ToneMapping: Auto, GUI (Full LCD Screen Overlay and Real-Time Effects) 3-D cube, axis origin (no effect), Full kitty-corner is Automatic Mode, Z-axis is Effect Complexity, Y-axis is Density, X-axis is intensity.

I was also wondering if an Apple BBQ Sauce would taste good on chicken. Made from apple sauce and raw sugar and other secret spices.

These may not be the best ideas, but I'll never know until I see it in the store on the newest generation high dynamic range optical chip. Maybe called the RW- range of cameras.

Speak up or make me a very generous offer.

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