Beth's Memorial

Beth passed away about 7PM, Wednesday, July 15th.

I am told that she was asleep or unconscious at the time.
Unofficially, she died of heat stroke and possibly dehydration.

However, the root cause of her death was a symptom of her untreated alcoholism.
I guess, she ran out of energy to stay sober.
She was found behind a shopping center where she had been staying for quite sometime with others of the homeless community.
I am told she had been drinking heavily earlier that day and had passed out, never to awaken again.

However, Beth has been liberated.
Liberated from the tragic symptoms - of the horrendous disease of alcoholism.
Liberated from behaviors that the disease imposes upon the inflicted.
Liberated from consequences of those behaviors.
Liberated from any responsibilities she may have had.
Indeed, she has been set free.
She has been returned to our Creator.

Let me apologize right now in advance.
I hope not to sound irreverent, trite, or crass, but I am going to use lyrics of songs we liked and listened to.

Music played an important role in Beth's life and mine too.
Sometimes we have a tendency to adopt lyrics as being our own stories or place them in high regards within our own philosophies.
We romanticize our views with those of the singer or song writer.

One song Beth had adopted for herself, "By Your Side", by Sade on her Lovers Rock album, seemed to exemplify what Beth felt she should be for me.
And expected me to be for her.

SEE Lyrics: "By Your Side", Sade - Lovers Rock

"You Think I'd Leave Your Side Baby?
You Know Me Better Than That
You Think I'd Leave Down When Your Down On Your Knees?
I Wouldn't Do That

I'll Do You Right When Your Wrong
I-----Ohhh, Ohhh

If Only You Could See Into Me

Oh, When Your Cold
I'll Be There To Hold You Tight To Me
When Your On The Outside Baby And You Can't Get In
I Will Show You, Your So Much Better Than You Know
When Your Lost, When Your Alone And You Can't Get Back Again
I Will Find You Darling I'll Bring You Home

If You Want To Cry
I Am Here To Dry Your Eyes
And In No Time You'll Be Fine"

However, as Eric Clapton sings in "Promises":

SEE Lyrics: "Promises",  Eric Clapton

"I got a problem
Can you relate?
I got a woman
Callin' love hate.
We made a vow
we'd always be friends.
How could we know that promises end."
As you may already know, Beth had little regard towards rules and even less respect for being told what to do.
She wanted to do things her way, by herself, when she wanted to.
It comes as no surprise that she reveled in Frank Sinatra's "My Way."
I think, Ana McGarrigle penned more appropriate lyrics that Linda Ronsdat sings:

SEE Lyrics: "You Tell Me That I'm Falling Down", Linda Ronstadt

"You tell me that I'm falling down
A drifter with no role
You tell me that I need a friend
To help me take control

Well let it be I'm not alone
I'm only lonely see
And you can't tell me where to go
Or what or who to be

I am exactly what I am
And not the way you'd like to see me be
I look outside long as I can
Then I close my eyes and watch my world unfold before me
"

About 3 years ago, Beth and I went to see a simul-cast of David Gilmour, the main voice of Pink Floyd.
One particular song struck a resonating chord with Beth.
She heard the song as if sung from her own perspective towards me.
It's about a couple in the midst of some disagreement.
Whilst one has fallen asleep, the other slips out for some time alone, in hopes of returning to a smile.
Recognizing that they are wasting days and days on the fight, the singer goes on to say:

SEE Lyrics: "Smile", David Gilmour - On An Island

"All alone
Though you're right here
Now it's time to go
From your sad stare

Make my getaway
Time on my own
Needing a better way
To find my way home
To your smile "

Over a year ago, I ran out of smiles.
I made difficult decisions.
I had to protect my daughter and myself from the insane behavior that alcoholism drove Beth in to doing.
They were merely symptoms of a disease that took control of Beth.
Beth wanted us all to hear David Gilmour's song.

Just as she romanticized the song, I tried to do so with the accompanying slideshow.

Here it is - SMILE
Play Smile

Alcoholism is genetic.
It is inherited from parents and passed down to children and grandchildren.
It is a family disease.
One of the symptoms is odd behavior.
Illogical, unusual, unthinkable behavior.
And the disease spills all over other family members.
And so too, the symptoms of crazy behavior begin pouring out from those who love an alcoholic.
We can't help it.
We don't know any better.
Many behaviors that are normal and common, or even expected in a normal relationship, get twisted, engorged, and unhealthy when dealing with an active alcoholic.
Early on in this type of a relationship, we may get stuck in the steps of grieving.
We unwittingly contribute to the care and feeding of the Monster of Alcoholism.
We often make bad situations worse.

Beth frequently pointed that out to me. She claimed I was sick.
She said she met a fellow in one of her rehab. aftercare A.A. meetings that said that I needed help.
That I needed Al-anon.
Naturally, I resisted that suggestion.
It's all her fault, her problem, her disease, not mine.
But Resistance is Futile.
Eventually, to help me cope with the spillage, the effects of of alcoholism on my life, I began going to Al-anon.
And that fellow who claimed I was sick became my sponsor.
I have asked him to say a few words.
Please welcome, David.
David speaks....
I'd like to thank you David and your wife, Beth, as well - Thanks

At this time, I would like us to share our happier memories, funny stories, or personal moments that we were luck enough to have experienced by having Beth in our lives.

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Toys For Spooks

Just imagine what toys the spooks must have. Those are the minions of the shadow government and I'm not speaking about the 4chan clan. I'm talking about the folks with the endless budget, beyond just the CIA, NSA, and the FBI.

What made me think of this is Shazam! That is the nifty little application and service available to any smart phone user. Shazam can listen to a snippet of a song and tell you the Artist, Album and title of the track, then show you if it is on the iTunes Music Store.

What does this have to do with the spooks? Think about it. We, the public, know that the FBI has the 10+GB/sec. data analyzing servers connected to the backbone of the various communication channels, Internet, land line phones, cell towers, satellites, 911 tapes, and police microphones. Shazam compares about 10 seconds of a song to all the songs in the Gracenotes database. Any 10 seconds. And in under a minute can identify the what, who, and when of the song and link one to a store for it's purchase and subsequent download.

I would be willing to bet that the spooks can do the same thing with you or I at any time. It will be much sooner than the year 2525AD before we are billed for everything we think, say and do. It will be in the bill they send to you. Well, taken directly from your bank account most likely. Zager and Evans had the idea right, they just could not have imagined how quickly we would be so close to the technological capabilities we would have become so soon. We may not need to rescue HAL9000 from the peril of Jupiter's atmosphere or have flying cars, but we do have people listening to and reading all our conversations. Too bad they can't mind their own business.

Think about it - or - not.

ClassMates W/O Faces

GRRRR. What is it with people? I am not pleased with ClassMates dot Com anyway, but most of the people from my six or so schools won't post any pictures. OK - I can see not posting a "Now" picture, but for-crying-out-LOUD! - at least post a "Then" picture. It is tough enough just trying to remember the names or the faces that match them from 30~ years ago.

Give me a break, give me a clue. Yes, I know I wasn't the popular kid, but odds are, if your not posting a picture, neither were you.

Anyway - if your not going to identify yourselves, why be on ClassMates website anyway?

Oh well - just another thing I've no control over.

L8r

Mixed Blessings

Just a quick comment about converting older 8MM Hi-8 video tape in to computer files.

Why does it have to take so loooong? I mean - hours upon hours of the baby sleeping, the wedding reception that was on the hottest day of the year (over 100 degrees anyway), and a bunch of other things actually bogus. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Not to say that there wasn't a precious moment here and there, but you won't see any of this stuff on Funnest Home Video's.

13 tapes, thankfully not all filled full. But unfortunately, a few moments were taped over or mysteriously deleted. Reminds me of an episode from Home Improvements.

But I am nearly finished and I found what seems to be the best tape of the entire bunch. This tape has the day we brought my daughter home. Small amount of sleeping, me doing some feeding, mom doing a diaper change, Kitaro playing in the background. What a gem.

The ADS PYRO A/V Link has given me two issues this whole time. The picture is significantly dimmer, darker, flatter than what I see on the Sharp VL-H860 ViewCam's bright and crisp LCD display. And the lock slips in and out, some times the screen on the computer just pauses while the tape keeps slipping along. But considering so much of it is less then dribble, I don't think I lost much in the translation.

I am not looking forward to the next task. Somehow, I have to figure out how to make some of this stuff watchable. Fortunately, I have iMovie to help with this daunting task. The end product such give us a full 15 minutes of infamy among all who dare to watch (once I get something on disk, that is).

Wish me luck, I'll need all I can get.

TT4N!

Ain't Godda, Anymore

Are you one of those folks who try to correct someone when they use the word, "ain't?" Stop. Give it up. Let it go. Get over it. "Ain't" has tenure.

I've been around long enough to see thousands of new words added to the dictionary, and hundreds more dropped. I've seen the brand name Aspirin turned in to the generic term aspirin, such that if you look at the ingredients of an aspirin bottle, it says it contains aspirin, not acetylsalicylic acid. The brand name Google is now also used as a verb* (I'm going to google his name to see who he is). The English language is not dead, it is living, expanding, ever-changing. We no longer need to appease our grandparents. Ain't is de facto common American-English. Get over it.

Any argument against the usage of the word ain't is superfelous. The dogma that one is somehow less of a person for using it is insane. Unless one is using Microsoft Office, if one keeps doing the exact same thing over and over expecting different results, one is employing insane behavior. How many folks have been saying - how many time have you been saying - over the years "Ain't isn't proper English." Well neither is answering, "Who is it?" with, "It's me!", the rules would suggest saying, "It is I." I'd bet you've never said that in your life.

If you use the word ain't occasionally, don't feel guilty. If someone has the audacity to correct you, tell them to "Get over it - ain't has tenure." If their educated enough to figure that one out - they'll understand, and if not - oh well.

In my lifetime, I think the USA may have gone from the first or second in leading scores for math and science in K-12 to probably the dead last, even behind most third-world countries. Unless these teachers go to Dubai or China to teach English, I doubt they would find higher pay, or an apropriate audience anywhere else in the world for their less-than-pragmatisic views. Let's worry less about one using the word ain't and more about arthmatic, science, and telling time (on both analog and digital clocks). There certainly is more to fix in one's own life then to try to fix another's vocabulary.

You ain't got to tell anyone not to use ain't, anymore. You have my permission.

*see reference: http://dictionary.reference.com/dic?q=google&search=search

Facebook vs flickr

Today, I tried an experiment. I created a new group on flickr.com called Rojer Rojer Rojer.
The other day I had noticed that there are nearly 400 FaceBook users who use the spelling of R•o•j•e•r. Looking through the listing, I noticed that they are a diverse group. So I figured it might be a neat mash-up if the FaceBook Rojers shared their photos and culture on Flickr.

Alas, not an easy task to promote the idea. FaceBook, and with good reason, poped up a warning to me that my efforts violated the terms of usage agreement, as I had tried to send the same message to a few of those folks. The warning stated that I may be engaging in abusive or offensive behavior, and was told that my behavior was anoying. It isn't the first time I had heard this, but this was an algorythm telling me so. Now, that is a first for me. Anyway, I understand. It is an unsolicited message, which is half-way to SPAM, which I understand to be unsolicited bulk messages.

So how do I promote or attract these other Rojers? I guess I'll just have to wait and see if anybody joins. However, in the meantime, I will post the message here, just so it might get picked-up by the spiders at Google and CUIL.

Hello.

I am Rojer, an admin for a photo-sharing group called Rojer Rojer Rojer at http://www.flickr.com/groups/imrojer/ .

Flickr is a service of Yahoo! You can have a free flickr account which allows you to share up to 200 photos for free, and you control the tags and copy-write, who gets to see, print, annotate, or comment on your pictures and even whether your pictures are searchable.

I am inviting you to join this public group simply because part of your name is "Rojer" and you are unique. The group is intended for sharing photos representing you, your family and friends, but most of all, your culture, style and talents.

I hope this message finds you well and if you are not interested - just delete and forget about. Otherwise, take a look at the group's or my photos and decide if you are willing to join and share.

I hope to see and hear from you soon.

Thanks.
Rojer
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rojer/

Going to the group link from above takes you to the group's main page with the following description:

About Rojer Rojer Rojer

This group is for you if your first name (forename), your last name (surname), or any of your middle names is Rojer, regardless if you got it at birth, by marriage, by adoption, or changed it to this spelling.

This group is not for you if you are a "Rodger," a "Roger," or a Rajah, et cetera. I will remove you, not because you are not worthy or I don't like you, but because the first rule of this group is the spelling of your name. No offense intended.

I'd like to see photos of you, your family and friends, but mostly - your culture. Show off your ethnicity. Share the parties, food, music, style and your unique contributions to the world. Links are welcome.

This is a public group - I don't think I want to make it by invitation only, yet. As such - please post only family friendly photos and language. However, feel free to refer to moderate content or the occasional restricted content, but make sure you make it clear, that is the type of information you are referring to, we thank you for this in advance.

There are nearly 400 Rojers in Facebook, I haven't checked MySpace, but there is a growing number here on flickr as well. If you know of another Rojer, invite them, encourage them to become Flickr members and start the sharing.

So, on with the show, even if nobody's watching.